The Problem With British Job Titles

"Look, if the British want us Americans to stop making fun of them, they have to quit doing this stuff," said Karl, my drinking buddy and literary curmudgeon.

What stuff, I said.

Karl plonked his beer on the bar, followed by a copy of Wednesday's London Daily Express. We were sitting at MacTaggart's Scottish Pub, watching the International Ferret-Legging Championships on satellite TV.

"This stuff," he said, jabbing a gnarled finger at an article.

Victoria Beckham's Slinky New Dress Excites Hubby David?

"No, Kid," he said with disgust and embarrassment. "This one."

Hasn't the Mortar Logistics Engineer Laid That Path Yet? What does that mean?

"That's what I said," he said. "There's a British company that researched all these job titles in England to see what kind of lofty new titles they were giving to the boring and low-paying jobs."

So? I said.

"They're trying to make a person's job seem more interesting and important than they really are."

You mean they're career consultants?

"Kid, sometimes for such a smart young man, you can be a real dolt at times."

Bartender, another McEwans for my new best friend, I called. (Karl calls me Kid because I'm 20 years younger than him. Plus I was beaming at the "smart" thing.)

"Thanks, Kid. No, what they're doing is finding the low-paying grunt jobs and giving them all these fancy-schmancy titles because they're in the grips of political correctness. They don't want people to realize how dreary and dull the jobs really are, so they make up these titles to improve self-esteem."

That sounds pretty cynical, Karl, even for you. What kinds of jobs?

He picked up the paper and studied it. "Here's one. They're calling a paper boy a Media Distribution Officer. I know, I know, there are paper girls and even paper adults now, so we should just call them paper deliverers, but that's where I draw the line."


You can read the rest of this at my Laughing Stalk blog.