Make me Laugh – Show me the FUNNY!

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Comment by Genie Goykhberg on October 8, 2009 at 9:26am

TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!

WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman
wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a
television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping
with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do legally.

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women
use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men..."
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so
stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !"

WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait
for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the
Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and
showed him the top of several pages, where it indeed says ."HEBREWS"

The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his
wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he
wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would
find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00
AM and he had missed his flight .
Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened
him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."

Moral of the Story: Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.



God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece

Comment by Cissi Sherlock on October 7, 2009 at 10:49pm

A man is mowing his lawn and his Blonde female neighbor goes out and open's her mail box, after she slams it shut hard. He say's "whatever" then goes in the backyard to get the rake for raking the leaves, as he does his neighbor goes out to check the mail again and the same thing happens. This repeats itself for about 5 times.

He finally decides to go over, he asks "Is something the matter?" and she says "Yeah my computer keeps saying that I have mail.

Comment by Cissi Sherlock on October 7, 2009 at 9:24pm

To ALL my Funny Friends!

Come on out to my BIG SALE!

Saturday, October 10, 2009
8:00 a.m. until………
1649 Stacy Lynn Drive
Countryside Addition, off 8300 W. Morris
LAST SALE OF THE SEASON, EVERYTHING MUST GO!
Please come out and support Operation OpenUP, God’s House of Worship Fundraiser
Bring your old cell phones with chargers to donate to Operation OpenUP Cell Phone Ministry.
For more information, call 317/605-8584.

Comment by Cissi Sherlock on October 7, 2009 at 5:47pm

Several years ago we had an intern who was none too swift. One day he was typing and turned to a

secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper,"

she told him. With that, the intern took his last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five blank copies.

Comment by Cissi Sherlock on October 7, 2009 at 5:46pm

1st Person: "Do you know anything about this fax-machine?"

2nd Person: "A little. What's wrong?"

1st Person: "Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say all she received was a cover-sheet

and a blank page. I tried it again, and the same thing happened."

2nd Person: "How did you load the sheet?"

1st Person: "It's a pretty sensitive memo, and I didn't want anyone else to read it by accident, so I folded it so only the recipient would open it and read it."

Comment by Cissi Sherlock on October 5, 2009 at 5:28pm

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Comment by Amy J. Powers on October 5, 2009 at 5:16pm

I named my wonder dog, Biscuit!

Comment by Cissi Sherlock on October 2, 2009 at 3:43pm

Is your church Redneck?

Your Church Might Be A Redneck Church If:

- People ask, when Jesus fed 5000, whether the
two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait
was used to catch 'em.

- The pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to
help take up the offering," then five guys
and two women stand up.

- Opening day of deer season is recognized as
an official church holiday.

- A member of the church requests to be buried in
his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never
been in a hole it couldn't get out of."

- With a congregation of 500 members, there are
only seven last names in the church directory.

- Baptism is referred to as "branding."

- People think "rapture" is what you get when
you lift something too heavy.

Comment by Cissi Sherlock on October 2, 2009 at 2:36pm

A TRIP TO COSTCO

Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's behind and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Costco won't let me shop there anymore.

Comment by Cissi Sherlock on September 30, 2009 at 11:55pm

Blonde paint job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

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