Make me Laugh – Show me the FUNNY!

Add a Comment

Comment by Cissi Sherlock on January 16, 2009 at 9:28pm

Maxine Jokes

Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written
An impressive new book. It's called .........
'Ministers Do More Than Lay People'

Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink
And be Mary.

My mind works like lightning, One brilliant
Flash and it is gone.

Definition of a teenager?
God's punishment...for enjoying sex.

Comment by Cissi Sherlock on January 16, 2009 at 7:54pm

TRUE STORY: First Date

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most
embarrassing first date that a woman ever had.

The winner
described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no
question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was
midwinter... snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken her
skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah
.

It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers,
after all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun, the
skiing great, the coffee hot. The day was uneventful until they were
headed home late that afternoon.

They were driving back down
the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should
not have had that extra latte.

They were about an hour away
from anywhere with a rest room and, to top it off, they were in the
middle of nowhere!

Her companion recognized her discomfort,
and suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a
while.

Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow
going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop
and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his
car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car,
yanked her pants down and started.

In the deep snow she
didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear
fender to steady herself.

Her companion stood on the side of
the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and
refrained f rom peeking. All she could think about was the relief
she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation.
Upon finishing however, she soon became
aware of another sensation.

As she bent to pull up her pants,
the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the
car's fender!

Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately
came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy
metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem due
to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of
the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about
'what is taking so long' with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing
her butt off' and in need of some assistance!


He came
around the car as she tried to cover hersel f with her sweater and
then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out
laughing.

She too, got the giggles and when they finally
managed to compose themselves, they assessed her
dilemma.

Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they
also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take
something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy
metal!

Thinking about what had gotten her into the
predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was
only one way to get her free.

So, as she looked the other
way, her first-time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her
bottom off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she
took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be
'pants down.'

'Did you ever see the young man again?' asked
Mr. Leno.

'I married him,' was the reply. 'He's
sitting right here next to me.'

Comment by Cissi Sherlock on January 16, 2009 at 5:59pm

Disregard post for doo-wop horses. Technical difficulties.

Comment by Marita Topmiller on January 16, 2009 at 5:44pm

LOOOOOVE the Blond and Ass jokes!!!

Comment by Cissi Sherlock on January 16, 2009 at 5:20pm

Amy!

Thanks you for your joke and more!

Annie! Annie! Annie!!!


Thanks joke was the bomb! I laughed from the moment I started reading it!

Comment by Cissi Sherlock on January 16, 2009 at 5:13pm

Hey, Thomas!

We will be happy to see a few of you jokes right here!!!!

Shawn!

That was mean -- but FUNNY!

Comment by Shawn Quick-Raflik on January 16, 2009 at 3:41pm

WINTER BLONDE
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.
The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.
Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says... "Hi, my name is Mark, it's winter in Indiana and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"

Comment by Thomas Carter on January 16, 2009 at 3:00pm

Hey team,

Need a laugh? Here lately I have recieved some fantastic email jokes and would be happy to pass a few on. thomas.carter@phoenix.edu

Comment by Amy Stark on January 16, 2009 at 2:40pm

I want to change the world. I just can't find a big enough diaper.

Comment by Annie Sever-Dimitri on January 16, 2009 at 2:23pm

The Pastor's Ass

The pastor entered his donkey in a race, and it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered in the race, and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT

The bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read:

BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN

The bishop fainted.He informed the nun she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day, headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

The bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is stop worrying about everyone else's ass, and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!

• First
• Previous
• Next
• Last