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Victoria Finch

Insulted by Ebonics - Do you unknowingly stereo type other people?

As many of you know I was recently in the hospital for an asthma attack. While I was there, I had a male nurse who looked at me and instantly addressed me as “girl” in slang. You have probably guessed the nurse was white. I felt insulted and stereo typed. I am sure that he meant no harm, but nevertheless, I did not appreciate being addressed in that manner by someone I do not know. I am here to say, it is NOT acceptable to address African-Americans that you do not know in Ebonics. I embrace my heritage and our vernacular. I use slang with my friends, but if you don’t know me like that, don’t address me like that.

Do you think that I am being over sensitive? If you are white, do you address African-Americans differently? If you are African-American, does it insult you when whites address you in Ebonics when they don’t know you? Let me know what you think.

Tags: culture, language, speech

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I have a question:

You said that you speak "ebonics" when you're around family and friends sometimes (which is interesting that you said your daughter doesn't, but that's another point entirely). My question is this: Would you have been offended if the male nurse was a black man, or even a black female who was simply trying to be friendly? You've already stated that this is a way of speaking when you're amoung friends and family. Although I know this nurse was not one of your friends or family, why would you be offended if he approached you in such a way as your loved ones? Personally, I'd be delighted if people would just be straightforward, cordial, and casual with me like my family is.

So I guess that's really two questions.
1) would you have been equally as offended if the nurse were a black male or female? (and if not, then why not?)

2) If you already speak this way amongst friends, then why was it offensive? I could understand him being offinsive he approached you in this manner and you didn't speak like this with friends and family, but you do. So is it offensive to try to be friendly with you like your own friends do?
Again this is a discussion about whether it is appropriate to address someone in a particular way based upon their appearance.

1) I stated in an earlier post that I did not hear him address his white colleagues like that nor did I hear him address his white patients in that manner. This is not necessarily a white/black issue. I saw a white friend today who is on SI. She approached me and said, "I call you girl all the time" My reply "I know, but you are my friend.' Do you not speak differently with your family and friends than you do in a professional setting?

I was a language major in college and studied language dynamics intensively. It is a fact that when we are in a familiar settings with certain people our vernacular changes. If he had been a black male, I would have really been offended because black males typically (yes I said typically) use the word "girl" as a come on. As far as black females go, it is the way we address one another in the familiar.

2) The language is not offensive. The setting in which the word was used was in my opinion not appropriate. As I stated earlier: If you don't know me like that don't address me like that.
Chris I simply asked a question for discussion. I unlike you have no agenda other than to get opinions. As far as "your" facts go. Some are correct and others are not. I will not be reduced to calling you names. I see no reason for that. That's how children react when they disagree. I take nothing you say personally.Fruthermore, I do not ignore the slavery of other cultures but they are not the topic of this discussion.
When I visit a foreign country, I always try to learn at least a few words of the language. I feel that if I know how to greet someone and ask and answer basic questions, I am being more respectful of the place and culture.

However, I never ask permission before attempting to speak French in France or Greek in Greece.

By your logic, I am being rude by trying to speak in Portuguese when I visit Brazil? Or are the norms for African-American language and culture distinct from those of the traveler?
We are in the same country. I do not follow your logic.
My point is that when we visit someone in their home or we are made aware of their culture, we try to respect them by speaking their language and emulating their culture.

- If I am visiting my friends who are vegetarians, I do not suggest we go out for a steak dinner.

- If I meet someone who is deaf, I try and use sign language or speak slowly so they can read my lips.

- If I meet someone who is of Asian descent, I do not try to look them directly in the eye (as is my custom) because I understand this is antithetical to many Asian cultures.

So what should I do if I meet someone who is African-American? I am aware that African-Americans have a distinct culture and language. If I were to follow the same logic as the examples above, then I should try to say a few words of Ebonics and attempt other cultural mannerisms out of respect. But since you say I should *not* do these things, what does that say about all of my examples? Am I being as rude to those people as the male nurse was to you in your story?
For the purposes of this discussion, I'm not interested in whether or not this is culture or choice.

Instead, I'm just interested in hearing whether or not the analogy holds up. Should I treat African-Americans the same way I treat those who preferred language is not English---attempt to speak their language out of respect? Or, is doing so offensive in all situations, as it is in the scenario Victoria described originally?
Robby, for the sake of discussion, which Black-skinned people in America are of African descent and who is not. Thopse jamaicans are called African-American when they are here in America. I see your point.

My point is that, you cannot look at me and tell anything other than the fact that I am Black. Is my origin African? Unless you speak with me and learn that I speak English, one should not assume. That is why I did not adopt the African-American nomer. I boast a proud heritage extending to ancestors that came from African, but htat does not make me African-American, it makes me of African-American DESCENT, born, bread, educated and probably will die IN AMERICA.

The one thing my Black skin makes me is beautiful as is all those that I fellowship with in this good land.

It pains me that people predetermine who I am, how I will talk, my educational level and other things, just at a glance. Talk to me! You just might like me.
BRAVO Cissi!!! You just summed up the point of this whole discussion. You go Girl! Oops I just called you "girl" did I insult you? LOL!!!!!
Chris, we will never forget black or white. First of all, we are preconditioned. Secondly, you see black and white as plainly as the nose on your face. It's the preconceptions that come with indoctrination that we are looking to overcome.

The world will always be black and white, in more ways than one.

It is up to us!

As intelligent adults, we have to educate ourselves and our children that our world is bigger than that.
With the chicken-neck roll and the finger snap! Then you pirouette around with that loose-hand, limp wrist as your guide, toss your booty and strut off like Fog Horn Leg Horn in a chicken coop!
If we cannot forget the black and white then we will always have separation... In the original post of the white nurse speaking Ebonics would be a perfect form of separation saying he should not speak this way because he is white.. Would it of been a problem or offensive if he was black? Victoria commented somewhere in the post that her friends said she spoke white. Should I be offended she speaks this way?

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