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Do men need "The Husband's Bill of Rights"?
We, the wives of America, love being married to the husbands of America. We know we have our faults, but with our ever-morphing roles these days, there's a lot of pressure on us to be superhuman. We care for our families, manage the home, keep ourselves attractive, and even bring home our shares of the bacon. We know we sometimes lash out, but we really do want to "live happily ever after" with you. Our mutual acknowledgement of these amendments can go a long way toward achieving that.
Amendment I
We have the right to dislike your buddies.
We know it's important for you to have your guy friends, but you should know by now that we're not turned on by your stories of the good old days at college, your sexual exploits, or which relief pitcher the Red Sox should trade. Disappear for a while and be boys—it's OK, go chug beer and high-five—but please don't expect us to be happy when your friends come over and put their feet on our coffee tables or leave their beer cans on the floor.
Amendment II
We have the right to experience PMS in all its glory.
Either give us our space or accept the consequences. We know it's unfair, but some of us just can't rein it in. You knew that before you married us. We may shout, cry, belittle, act irrationally. It lasts a few days each month, so please deal with it. Or even better: Bring home dinner, clear the dishes, and give us a big hug.
Amendment III
We have the right to demand you finish a household job.
We're not your mothers, and we loathe having to act like them. If you wash the dishes, do them all and clean the sink, too. Don't just bag the trash, take it outside to the bin. If you start a load of laundry, put it in the dryer and fold it too. We don't like nagging any more than you like hearing it.
Amendment IV
We have the right to an honest answer to "What's wrong?"
We admit guilt in this area too, but "Nothing" says nothing. If we ask, it's not because we're trying to make casual conversation. It's because we love you and need an honest answer. If there truly is nothing wrong, then ask why we think otherwise. Yes, this could open a can of worms, but remember when we dated and talked about everything?
Amendment V
We have the right to keep our secrets.
Not marriage-ending ones, just small secrets we choose to hide from others. If we don't want to speak our age or share our true hair color or reveal the cheesy TV shows we watch in private, it's not your place to reveal them to our friends, your business partners, or your ex-girlfriends/wives. We're not asking you to lie for us, but we would appreciate your discretion.
Amendment VI
We have the right to clean air.
You may think it's funny, masculine, or natural to pass gas anywhere and anytime you please, but when the smell drives us to gag, it's uncool. There is something inherently wrong in the relationship if you must walk over to us and fart, or if you intentionally set a bad example for the kids. We fart too, but we do so discreetly for a reason. You may not like our potpourri and scented candles, but they're infinitely better than toxic and flammable methane.
Amendment VII
We have the right to keep and bear tons of girly bathroom products.
You have your tools; so do we. These items are expensive and to be used sparingly. It brings no joy to see our $15 bath bar shrunk down to the size of a quarter after two passes on your chest and legs.
Amendment VIII
We have the right to speak to our girlfriends every day.
About whatever we want, whenever we want. Please don't eavesdrop or criticize. We know you're not that interested in gossip or psycho-analytical interpretations of why some people do what they do, so we turn to our like-minded female friends for instant gratification. Yes, we do talk about you—a lot. It helps us work through issues. This keeps us happy, sane and, usually, off your case.
Amendment IX
We have the right to flirt.
Not the kind that makes you jealous, but the healthy practice of connecting with another person on a non-sexual level. Light banter is fun, quick-witted, and encouraging to our self esteem. It might even remind you of why you feel in love with us. And if it gets us a smoking deal on that new furnace or a free stay for the family at a million-dollar ski chalet, so much the better.
Amendment X
We have the right to foreplay.
A fine bottle of wine, soft music, deep looks into each other's eyes, compliments, holding hands, cuddling—these are all forms of foreplay, and we insist on them. Please don't reach for our crotch or breasts and expect us to melt into a porn kitten. It didn't work when we met, it most certainly doesn't work now. Sure, we women are strong and independent, and appreciate an inspired quickie when the moment strikes, but we also have an inner soft spot the size of Texas that needs squeezing and cherishing. We appreciate you more when you think about how it feels to us rather than how it feels to you.
YOU TELL US: Would you add or remove any 'rights' from this list?
Jill Adler is a freelance writer based in Salt Lake City. When she's not researching relationships, she edits a bi-monthly sports publication in Utah, is a film and television actor, and is a PSIA Level III certified ski instructor. You can reach her at www.jilladler.com.
She made me smile and I decided to share my smile with you, guys :)
Amendment I
We have the right to dislike your buddies.
We know it's important for you to have your guy friends, but you should know by now that we're not turned on by your stories of the good old days at college, your sexual exploits, or which relief pitcher the Red Sox should trade. Disappear for a while and be boys—it's OK, go chug beer and high-five—but please don't expect us to be happy when your friends come over and put their feet on our coffee tables or leave their beer cans on the floor.
Amendment II
We have the right to experience PMS in all its glory.
Either give us our space or accept the consequences. We know it's unfair, but some of us just can't rein it in. You knew that before you married us. We may shout, cry, belittle, act irrationally. It lasts a few days each month, so please deal with it. Or even better: Bring home dinner, clear the dishes, and give us a big hug.
Amendment III
We have the right to demand you finish a household job.
We're not your mothers, and we loathe having to act like them. If you wash the dishes, do them all and clean the sink, too. Don't just bag the trash, take it outside to the bin. If you start a load of laundry, put it in the dryer and fold it too. We don't like nagging any more than you like hearing it.
Amendment IV
We have the right to an honest answer to "What's wrong?"
We admit guilt in this area too, but "Nothing" says nothing. If we ask, it's not because we're trying to make casual conversation. It's because we love you and need an honest answer. If there truly is nothing wrong, then ask why we think otherwise. Yes, this could open a can of worms, but remember when we dated and talked about everything?
Amendment V
We have the right to keep our secrets.
Not marriage-ending ones, just small secrets we choose to hide from others. If we don't want to speak our age or share our true hair color or reveal the cheesy TV shows we watch in private, it's not your place to reveal them to our friends, your business partners, or your ex-girlfriends/wives. We're not asking you to lie for us, but we would appreciate your discretion.
Amendment VI
We have the right to clean air.
You may think it's funny, masculine, or natural to pass gas anywhere and anytime you please, but when the smell drives us to gag, it's uncool. There is something inherently wrong in the relationship if you must walk over to us and fart, or if you intentionally set a bad example for the kids. We fart too, but we do so discreetly for a reason. You may not like our potpourri and scented candles, but they're infinitely better than toxic and flammable methane.
Amendment VII
We have the right to keep and bear tons of girly bathroom products.
You have your tools; so do we. These items are expensive and to be used sparingly. It brings no joy to see our $15 bath bar shrunk down to the size of a quarter after two passes on your chest and legs.
Amendment VIII
We have the right to speak to our girlfriends every day.
About whatever we want, whenever we want. Please don't eavesdrop or criticize. We know you're not that interested in gossip or psycho-analytical interpretations of why some people do what they do, so we turn to our like-minded female friends for instant gratification. Yes, we do talk about you—a lot. It helps us work through issues. This keeps us happy, sane and, usually, off your case.
Amendment IX
We have the right to flirt.
Not the kind that makes you jealous, but the healthy practice of connecting with another person on a non-sexual level. Light banter is fun, quick-witted, and encouraging to our self esteem. It might even remind you of why you feel in love with us. And if it gets us a smoking deal on that new furnace or a free stay for the family at a million-dollar ski chalet, so much the better.
Amendment X
We have the right to foreplay.
A fine bottle of wine, soft music, deep looks into each other's eyes, compliments, holding hands, cuddling—these are all forms of foreplay, and we insist on them. Please don't reach for our crotch or breasts and expect us to melt into a porn kitten. It didn't work when we met, it most certainly doesn't work now. Sure, we women are strong and independent, and appreciate an inspired quickie when the moment strikes, but we also have an inner soft spot the size of Texas that needs squeezing and cherishing. We appreciate you more when you think about how it feels to us rather than how it feels to you.
YOU TELL US: Would you add or remove any 'rights' from this list?
Jill Adler is a freelance writer based in Salt Lake City. When she's not researching relationships, she edits a bi-monthly sports publication in Utah, is a film and television actor, and is a PSIA Level III certified ski instructor. You can reach her at www.jilladler.com.
She made me smile and I decided to share my smile with you, guys :)
Tags: husbands, relationship, rights, wifes
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Annie Sever-Dimitri on -
I don't like this because it puts men and women into stereotypical roles. My husband and I are anything but stereotypical. I love pulling his finger, and we have several fart machines around the house just in case no one needs to pass wind, but we still want to laugh about it. He does his own laundry, does work around the house, cooks, yada, yada. The chick stuff--he does it. We don't assume that just because I have estrogen that I was born with an apron on, a frying pan in one hand and a feather duster in the other. I never wanted kids--neither did he. We both take care of the furry kids we do have. PMS--I handle it. You don't have to be ruled by hormones unless you want to be--women may take fault with me for that, but I used to have PMDD. I learned how to get my body back in balance so that I wasn't a screaming shrew. I am educating myself about menopause so that I am not a hormonal train wreck when that time comes. I know how I will handle that so it doesn't make a mess of my life. This chick assumes men don't like foreplay--who is she with? Attila the Hun? Men are still human and like it. They are not insensitive dillweeds (well, some are, but I don't blame that on their gender--it is their personality). I also don't like the double standard of "don't talk to your guy friends about me, but I can run my mouth about you." Sure am glad I am not in a relationship with her! She seems like a bit of a nutter. And I certainly don't need to flirt with someone to get a good deal. Yuck.Why not just compliment someone because it makes both them and you feel good, not to get something in return? Maybe I am taking her too seriously. I just hate it when people lump all women and all men into one category. Doesn't work in my book.
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Permalink Reply by Genie Goykhberg on -
That is why you are a happy Woman, Annie!
I agree with both of you, guys! I just do not take her seriously
It is what we do with our life!
I am afraid to say it... but I think men need a little bit more attention (in a nice way) nowadays than most of women provide them with!
When I coach ladies who complain about their men, I normally advice them to show their partner how much they care. I think its more difficult to be a man today... And if we, woman, want to enjoy having our man around when we turn 70+ we sure need to put some effort into their well being. Physiologically men are much more vulnerable than we are.
That is why I brought up "Husbands Bill of Rights" question.
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Permalink Reply by Jeremy King on -
Well put, Annie!
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Permalink Reply by Brett Davis on -
Authors like Jill, really annoy me.
I always find it ironic that when a woman writes something like Jill’s article, women will talk about article being true and empowering for women. If a man wrote an article that was similar, he would be called a sexist pig.
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Permalink Reply by Annie Sever-Dimitri on
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You got it, Brent! I agree. I don't think MEN need a bill of rights; I think we should just act like decent human beings. A penis or lack thereof doesn't always mean certain behaviors will be present.
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Permalink Reply by Mike Seidle on -
Hmm. Only six posts until someone had to start throwing genitalia around. Is there a rule for posts involving roles that works like Goodwin's Law (As an internet discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches 1)? Something like As a sex role discussion grows longer, the probability of someone bringing up genitalia approaches 1.
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Permalink Reply by Azar Attura on -
Using Common Sense and Compassion and putting yourself in the other person's place (empathy) are what's needed, no matter what gender you are.
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Permalink Reply by Mike Seidle on
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Hmm, that's fine as long as I can:
1. Occasionally smoke a Cigar in the living room while watching sports with my friends you don't like.
2. Hang my trophy 15' hammerhead shark in the family room (yes, you can put bunny ears on for easter, a santa hat & beard for Christmas and Groucho Marx glasses for other occasions).
3. Occasionally forget to put the lid down.
4. Go fishing without the cell phone.
5. Occasionally work late without a guilt trip when I get home.
6. Have my space in the house where I can hang all my silly mementos, awards, photos, sports stuff and other items deemed too tacky for the rest of the house. The shark goes in the family room because it will not fit in the den, closet and would not handle the temperature changes in the garage or attic.
I really don't mind the other rules, but seriously, if you expect to get free stuff out of flirting, then I reserve the right to intercept and deal with the poor sap when he comes trying to collect on the unsaid end of the bargain that you didn't know you were making.
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Permalink Reply by Genie Goykhberg on
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Amen!
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1. Please use your real name (first and last) when you sign up, or we cannot open your account
2. Please do not use logos or commercial images for your profile photo
3. Events should be posted in the events calendar
4. You can post pretty much anything you want on your own personal page (self promotion, etc), and you can change the style of your personal profile page to reflect your corporate identification if you so choose.
5. Please keep all comments civil and polite. It's OK to feel strongly about a subject, and it's OK to be critical of ideas, but please refrain from personal attacks of any kind.
If you witness or experience any issues, please contact admin@smallerindiana.com and we will look into the matter.
6. Smaller Indiana is supported by its members, and by corporate sponsors. If you're interested in learning more about sponsorship, please call Pat Coyle at 317 332 7878.
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